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	     THE         UNDEAD       RISE,       DAMMIT!
          
	                 AN  EZINE FOR ZOMBIES 
                      
       FUCK YOU RIGHT IN YOUR UNDEAD FACES, YOU FUCKING ZOMBIE POSERS!

                       A NINTH ATTEMPT AT ANSWERS!
	
	
 Lately in the zombie scene I've been noticing a lot of zombies trying to
step to me. Acting like they deserve my respect because of how many brains
they've eaten or the amount of eyes on their vanity zombie jewelry. Well I'm
here to represent, tell you to step the fuck off, and let you know why
you're all a bunch of little bitch ass, scared, undead pussies.

 As a zombie I make my home in Tokyo. That's in Japan for you uneducated
fucks out there. You want to act hardcore and brag about how many brains you
eat a night? Come out here and see just how many giant, delicious asian
brains you can chow when you're the only 6'5" undead gaijin motherfucker
with a horrible complexion on the whole goddamn island. Little Asian suckas
with their big, smart, succulent brains would know some shit is going down
and be off to running just at the sight of your undead ass. That is, if they
were even afraid of you, and they aren't. You're nothing to the Japanese,
you brain eating, undead fuck. This is the country that inventing tentacle
rape, scat, and soiled panty vending machines. These people have got to
worry about having their soul stolen and being penetrated in every orifice
by some bazillion phallus limbed demon every time they walk through the
park, and you think they're scared of some undead dude with a taste for
brains?

 And you know what's worse? Most of these people actually know how to defend
themselves. The worst you spoiled bitches get in the states is some douche
trying to spray you in the face with pepper spray. Like that'll help keep
their grey matter in their heads. I've gotten the contents of my face
rearranged several times cause it seems like every goddamn person here is a
fucking karate master! Last week I tried jumping on this old man walking
through an alley behind a pachinko parlor and the old fuck totally went all
Mr. Miyagi on my ass! Can you believe that? I'm not even going to talk about
running into the Yakuza. Suffice to say, the poison fist of the pacific rim
is not very happy about any sucker trying to get at their sweet, tender
nipponese cranium candy.

 I know what you're thinking by now, you're all "geez kaonashi, it sounds
real tough living in Japan." You're goddamn right it's tough! You regular
joe, spoiled, suburban zombies wouldn't last a day on the streets here! I
have, and by that merit I am the single toughest zombie motherfucker on the
goddamn planet. If you're a human, I'm going to eat your fucking brain. If
you're a zombie, I'm going to make you suck my gray, whithered, rotting,
undead cock. It's that simple.


END OF TURD #9
WRITTEN BY: KAONASHI
05-16-03