^ ^ ^ ^ /\/\OO/\/\ ASCII BAT AND STUFF PROUDLY PRESENT /\/\OO/\/\ vv vv dddd dddd dddd ttttt dddd ttttt dddd dddd ttttttttttttt uuuu uuuu rrr ddddddddddd ttttttttttttt uuuu uuuu rrrrrrrrrrr ddd dddd ttttt uuuu uuuu rrrrrrrrrrr ddd dddd ttttt uuuu uuuu rrrr rrr ddd dddd ttttt uuuu uuuu rrrr ddd dddd ttttt uuuu uuuu rrrr ddd dddd ttttt uuuu uuuu rrrr ddd dddd tttttt ttt uuuuuuuuuuuu rrrr ddddddddddddd ttttttttttt uuuuuuuuuuuu rrrr ddddd dddd THE UNDEAD RISE, DAMMIT! AN EZINE FOR ZOMBIES YOU NEVER WOULDA GUESS THAT, WOULD YOU!?! A SIXTH ATTEMPT AT EXPLAINING MY ZOMBISM ASCII BAT here saying hello to everyone out there in Internet land. How're things going for you? Still bustling all over the place wandering through zombies at the mall trying to get all the holiday shopping done? You know, I watched this movie last night, "Dawn of the Dead" and it made me wonder if perhaps I'm not explaining myself as well as I should. You see, I am a zombie. I really am. Where I come from, people would refer to me as a zombie. However, when a person becomes a member of the undead in my world, they do not rot and do not become subhuman. To consider me or anyone like me subhuman is very silly where I come from. Maybe you're yourself asking where I come from, but I don't need to tell you just yet. Being the patient sort you are, the answers will be revealed to you soon enough. I should warn you of a couple things though. First, I didn't come to know STUFF until after arriving here. We met after he made a brief appearance on your popular Iron Chef show. (explained in TURD #5) It was his appearance on that show that made me want to come here. The thing about me is that I really do believe that brains can give you special powers if ingested, it's like mushrooms or peyote. (That's the best example I can think of that relates to a typical human practice) Zombism is akin to what you'd call a religion, a way of life. It's like breathing. Your typical zombie eats brains to survive, a zombist eats brains to evolve, to move ahead on his path, like a board game. (You are familiar with board games aren't you? I'm not totally sure if they still exist here, but board games are quite a pastime for many zombists.) But I've said to much already. Just know that STUFF is a creation of here and not where I come from. The same goes for NOPOLIS too. My communications with him have been extremely limited and frankly I'd like to keep it that way. Anyone who is ANTI-TURD is anti-zombist and must be destroyed. It seems confusing, but zombism is something I believe many people you know will want to pursue. Involving complicated philosophies from throughout the universe and many favorite pastimes of humans and zombies alike, zombism isn't about bringing happiness or empty afterlife promises. (For a zombist the after life is only the beginning but it's not the last step in the conceptions of what life is.) When the time comes, it'll be written out for you as it was written out for me and many like me. You aren't born a zombist, it's a choice just like anything else. Don't be afraid to make the choice when the time comes. Just believe. But on the subject of "Dawn of the Dead." I never expected to see such a blatant display of not sharing on the part of the humans in that film is disapointing. I thought maybe when worse comes to worse that people would ban together and help one another out but instead you have an isolated group keeping an entire mall of loot to themselves. That's not cool at all. Some of those zombies looked like they were enjoying walking around the mall. I was glad that those crazy bikers broke through the doors and let the zombies back in. I didn't know how to feel watching all this anti-zombie footage. It scares me that here used to be a place full of anti-zombie folk. Maybe it's just rednecks like in the movie. But that makes me wonder, is NOPOLIS a redneck? Can rednecks be vampires? I don't think I've ever seen a movie about redneck vampires. The only thing I've seen in a movie that reminds me of a redneck vampire is when Cheech plays that one sorta vampire dude in "From Dusk 'Till Dawn." He said pussy a whole hell of a lot, and wore a flannel checkered shirt. That makes him a redneck in my book (just look at how many rednecks own a flannel shirt with black and red checkers on it. THINK ABOUT THAT!) So what I'm wondering is, if I started hanging out in public, do you think rednecks would try to shoot me? Even if I was hanging out in big cities and stuff, do big cities have rednecks lurking in the shadows? If they do, remind me to stay out of big cities. That's probably not safe though. Most rednecks avoid the cities too. Dammit, so far I hate it here. Here is nothing like the other zombists said it would be like. END OF TURD #6 WRITTEN BY: ASCII BAT 12-21-02